What Life is Like in the South With the Cold

By John Kuykendall

It is easy to tell that winter has finally come to Georgia. Not our normal January weather at all.
Normally, in this part of the world our average January temperatures are mild by comparison. The normal temperature is about 55 degrees on the high side and around 33 degrees on the low side. Recently, we have seen temperatures on the low side and only around 40 degrees on the high side.
It’s been so cold that my shadow was seeking a cave to hibernate in. Luckily, we dodged the expected ice storm and we should be thankful for that because southerners don’t know how to handle that crap.
Let’s face it, southerners are built for lows that don’t reach that freezing mark and we don’t like snow and ice. Why? One reason is because we don’t see it often but the main reason is the south just ain’t equipped to handle such events. We don’t have the spray trucks in the south that spray the ice and snow. We don’t have snow plows and out homes ain’t got built in generators so we freeze our buns off. That’s the real reason we don’t like it.
Ice ain’t our friend! It’s way too slick and dangerous, especially when we are toting our hunting rifle or carry our concealed weapon.
Heck, it’s really dangerous driving on snow and ice in the south. We don’t have snow chains but we do have 4X4s and that is also a problem cause when we have snow or ice every clown in the south with such a vehicle is gonna be on the road trying to see how fast it will run and stay steady on the road. Accidents are a major problem when we get snow and ice in the south.
The only good thing about the darn snow and ice is that our weather does return to somewhat normal and the stuff don’t last but a few days. Not like up north where the snow piles up to six and eight feet high. How in the world do them Yankees stand that kind of life? Rattles my brain to think about it.
In the south, our closets ain’t full of winter clothes. We probably have a few hunting jackets, maybe a hoodie or two, but we ain’t got no arctic tundra style coat or jacket. Heck, if we had one we might break it out to wear once every 15 years or so. Mostly, we got all-weather coats. Not to keep us warm but to keep the rain off our backs. Yep, we know about rain in the south, but we don’t know much about ice.
We do understand wind chill in the south. All you gotta do, if you don’t know about wind chill, is walk out in the rain in the south during winter and those 10 and 15 mile per hour winds will let you know right quick how much colder you can (and will) get.
The reason we had low temperatures is because we have damp cold, something Yankees don’t know about. The south is wet and it stays wet because during late summer and early fall it rains almost every day. So when winter comes the ground is wet and our cold is damp and the makes it feel really cold.
Southern women really hate the cold because they have to put on their boots and they can’t walk around barefoot or with flip flops on. When a southern gal has to wear shoes that ain’t comfortable to them, somebody is going to be in for a bad day.
In the south, we grill year round, we like to fish and hunt and get outside. We can’t do that when the weather is in the single digits. You ever had to deal with a country boy who can’t get out the house? That’s a worse day than a woman having to wear uncomfortable shoes.
Just so everyone knows, this column is meant to be humorous and does not present any reflection to the real life of southerners. Or maybe it does, slightly … or more.
At any rate, I hope you all stay warm and maybe a little laughter will help you feel all warm and cozy inside. Probably not with this dang single temperature weather. As a southerner, I’ll be glad when we return to those 55 degree days of winter.